The Biggest Lie
Lying may be top of mind after this year’s political season, however telling lies, and believing them, is a daily habit rather than only something that occurs every four years or with political candidates.
Everyone lies.
Before you become offended, let’s start with my definition of a lie:
A lie is any conclusion or statement that is not entirely truthful.
The word “entirely” is important, but let me return to that in a moment.
What are the biggest lies? The ones we tell to ourselves, and believe.
For example, someone says something bad about someone you don’t like. You instinctively believe them because it validates your previous conclusion. However, only part of the statement was true. The rest was exaggerated, misquoted, or mistaken.
This happens too with good information. Why do so many people buy lottery tickets? Because they tell themselves they can win, and believe it. They turn a blind eye and deaf ear to the truth. Do you think they build billion dollar casinos because the gamblers win?
Gamblers are suckers because they are liars.
The biggest lies are the lies we tell ourselves, and believe. They can be optimistic or pessimistic. But we all do it every day. Some of us do it most every hour.
So… why does this happen, and what can we do about it?
Here is what life and Lord have taught me thus far about lies:
#1 – Lies include a seed of truth
Every lie is based on a seed of truth. A part, sometimes a very small part, of any lie is true or consistent with truth. However then your ability to evaluate it gets distorted based on your life’s wounds, selfish desires, biased opinions, and/or sincere beliefs.
You do not have to listen to politicians for examples of how far truth can be stretched. Just listen to yourself.
Most people exaggerate the happiness or problems in their life. The potential of that next sale. Their abilities. Their marriage and relationships. How their wrongful behavior is right. We leave out details that might conflict with the conclusion we want to have. We make assumptions based on a small fact, or worse, an opinion.
We lie to ourselves to get what we want, or to make it through the day.
However, lies are not always intentional. They can be a habit, and based on good intentions… which can also be a lie. Yet too often our conclusions are twisted by our life experience, incomplete information, and poor habits for evaluating truth claims.
You can look back thousands of years to the first recorded story of a lie. It was based on a seed of truth.
There was a beautiful garden. A man and a woman lived there in complete joy, love, and relationship with each other and their God. The historical text records only one thing they were told not to do: To eat fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for then they would die.
An evil being in the form of a serpent challenged the man and the woman to eat the fruit. He tempted them by twisting a small truth. The serpent seductively said that eating the fruit would make them more like God. This was true, but there were also other consequences. Just considering one fact can sound appealing.
The serpent left out the many reasons they should not eat the forbidden fruit.
They loved God. God was their role model and even walked with them in the garden during the cool of the day. The serpent made them think God must have made a mistake, or they had misunderstood. To be more like Him would be good, not bad. And of course, the fruit looked good to eat. So the woman and the man ate it.
Bummer.
Just because something you read, hear, or feel has some truth to it, does not mean it is true.
#2 – Lies appeal to what we want, or are willing to believe
A lie includes a seed of truth, but our readiness and willingness to embrace the lie depends on how it appeals to our life’s wounds, selfish desires, biased opinions, and/or sincere beliefs.
A blatant example of lies that manipulated first one man and then others is Adolf Hitler. He believed his own lies, and the resulting propaganda caused the deaths of an estimated 20 million people.
Each bold declaration of Hitler’s messaging manipulations were based on tidbits of truth that were distorted into words and actions of shame. Truths intentionally twisted into evil.
Hitler defined what is known as a big lie. For him it was a propaganda technique. The first record Hitler’s mention of this technique was when he dictated his 1925 book Mein Kampf. He recommended the use of a lie so "colossal" that no one would believe that someone "could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously."
Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, is quoted as saying:
If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.
Although no written record can be found of him making that statement, Goebbels certainly did this in his life. (The accuracy of the quote is unknown according to Wikiquote.)
If you notice, the “big lie” must first be embraced by the speaker, the person doing the lying. The person first has to accept the lie, or at least a belief the lie is better than the truth, and then the damage begins.
Similarly, justifications for human slavery have shreds of facts, but are twisted truth to take advantage of others.
It is scary what we can do to ourselves and even the most defenseless among us.
#3 - Everyone lies
The truth is, everyone lies to themselves. My experience is people lie to themselves first, and at times to others second.
Do you think you only lie to yourself? Or is that a lie? It can be rather complicated...
The problem is the soil, water and nutrients that enable that seed of truth to grow is distorted by each individual's life experience. We have areas of pain and shame in our past. We have other memories of joy and hope.
Lies can be negative. Lies can be positive. It depends on which part of your life story a lie involves. Both are equally destructive.
Too often we allow the emotions of our past experiences to retard or illogically extend the growth of a seed of truth into beliefs that are not 100 percent accurate. Unfortunately the lies we tell ourselves hurt us, and often others.
#4 – Lies are shortcuts
Lies are sinister tricks where you attempt to get somewhere faster than you should.
For instance, the “big lie” of Hitler is not the greatest lie.
The greatest lie is not when someone tells you what you want to hear, they are not telling the truth, you instinctively know what they are saying or doing is wrong yet…
You repeat what they said to yourself, and believe it.
I have made this mistake more than once. However one time almost destroyed me. Someone told me what I wanted to hear, so I agreed to his plan. The result was my biggest business failure. (My fault for believing him, more than his fault for not telling the truth.)
Shortcuts rarely work, and are even less likely to sustain any momentary success they achieve.
Testing ideas. Piloting processes. These steps are not shortcuts that wisely lessen the time to achieve an objective.
In contrast, a lie jumps you forward without taking prudent steps to confirm truth with others and/or abandons the prompting to say “no.”
#5 - The foundation of lies
Selfishness. James, the half-brother of Jesus remarked in his letter to others (4:1-2):
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight…
James wrote this about 2,000 years ago. It is still true today, if not more so. We live in an intensely narcissistic society. It’s all about me.
Your intentions may be sincere and good… to you. Or they may be wrong and you know it. But you want something so badly that you justify the lie.
How to STOP LYING
#1 - Accept this fact: You lie to yourself. You cannot stop your addiction to lying until you take responsibility for your lying habit.
Learn to sense when you are triggered to believe a partial truth or a blatant lie. Catching how you lie to yourself will enable to do it less often, or possibly barely at all.
#2 - You recognize a trigger, then what? Simply pause and breathe. Slow your thoughts and challenge your initial conclusions. Look for bias to optimism or pessimism.
#3 - One test I ask myself is based on my life statement. I ask myself if my conclusion, and pending words and/or actions meet this standard:
Every sense of my heart, every emotion I feel, every word I speak, and every action I take glorifies my Lord and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
Remove my faith commitment if that makes you more comfortable. (To leave it out when I share my life statement would mean I was lying to you!)
Try pausing, even momentarily, when triggered to lie or believe a lie. Ask yourself:
Does “every sense of my heart, every emotion I feel, every word I are about to speak, and every action” I am about to take meets my standards?
Slowing yourself this way, or using this habit as a means to hold yourself accountable, may help you avoid pain. You may stop lies before they do damage.
Again, I am far from perfect in this area, but I am trying. I was raised to believe good intentions count, and you never stop trying.
#4 - Listen for a prompting. A sense of whether “it” is right or wrong. Pause when you sense concern.
My experience is the voice of truth speaks softly, whereas the seduction of a poor decision shouts loudly. Evil threatens you: “DO IT NOW! IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE (the lie) THEN YOU LOSE!” My experience is you always get another chance.
Sometimes you need to move quickly. Depending on your behavioral style, you may rush decisions or delay them. Too much in either direction can be unhealthy. Take what I call “Goldilocks Time” to discern your next steps. Not too quick, but not too long. Just “the right” amount of time.
Often times you actually have more time to think than you believe you do, or you can make the right decision in less time than you expect.
Questions and sincere active listening uncover important details that affect your ultimate perception.
The voice of truth gives you a choice.
The selfish or evil force pressures you not to think.
#5 - Own your mistakes. Apologize sincerely. Watch for similar triggers in the future. Learn and grow.
Dr. Henry Cloud in his book, Never Go Back, concludes the most successful people do not repeat mistakes.
Lying to yourself is a mistake. Work on stopping those lies, and you will enjoy life more. Keep trying.
In conclusion…
Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope you are able to focus on what you love most this holiday season. There is always something to be thankful for.
