Develop These 3 Habits to Identify When Someone is Not Telling the Truth
Years ago we worked with LaRae Que, a former FBI agent and author of the book, SECRETS of a Strong Mind (2nd edition): : How to Build Inner Strength to Overcome Life's Obstacles.
LaRae spent twenty years as an undercover and counterintelligence agent for the FBI and served as an FBI spokesperson in Northern California for four years. During her time as a counterintelligence agent, her primary goal was to identify foreign agents operating in the United States, find out what they were doing, stop them, assess their potential as an asset, and persuade them to work for the U.S. government. To accomplish this, she had to develop the skills required of an undercover agent.
One of those skills was the ability to identify when someone was not being forthcoming with the truth.
Here are three habits you can develop to notice when people are not telling you the entire truth, or are outright lying.
The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth
First, let’s consider some of the people who lie to you occasionally or often:
Your unconscious self, which might only be the accusing, negative voice inside you.
Your conscious self, who gets tempted either for selfish gain, laziness, or protection.
Spouse or special other.
Family or friends.
People in your work environment.
People you interact with outside of your work environment.
The media and people in the media, especially social media.
Where should you start?
Start with the person you see most often in the mirror: You.
The person you can control the most is you. This includes your unconscious and conscious selves. The most important lies you want to catch are your own. We all get tempted to lie and then justify our actions, but we can make better choices. Therefore, start with yourself if you’re concerned about falsehoods and want to know how to spot a lie before it hurts you.
After you have taken a good look at yourself, observe the people around you.
First, watch for changes in behavior. Someone may have one or more of the following behaviors naturally. You want to catch a change.
To catch a change in behavior, LaRae suggests you establish a baseline for a person’s typical, natural behaviors. This enables you to understand when they are behaving differently. One way to do this with people you do not know is to start the conversation with general questions about the weather, a recent professional sports game…
Then, as you watch for these behaviors, look for clusters of irregular behavior. If someone exhibits one or more of these behaviors a single time, then it may not be significant. However, if you understand their typical behaviors and all of a sudden they start behaving abnormally, then you should take notice and consider whether something is wrong.
1. Listen to their voice
Everyone has a tone of voice and style to their speech. Watch for these changes from their baseline communication style:
Changes in tone of voice.
The rhythm or flow of their words, along with the speed of their speech.
Using too many words (this can indicate the person is trying to find something that resonates with you in order to hide the truth effectively).
Repeating words, statements or what has been said (may indicate an attempt to gather their thoughts or internally validate misleading information).
If they start removing themselves from their explanations it might be to distance themselves from a lie.
Emphasizing they are telling the truth by adding a qualifying statement such as, “I swear to God.”
Adding unnecessary superlatives such as “amazing” or “incredible”.
Using absolute statements that include “always” or “never”.
Trouble remembering what they previously said. This is different from adding new information or correcting a previous statement.
2. Watch their facial expressions
In addition to paying attention to facial expressions, be aware of the phenomenon of microfacial expressions. Microfacial expressions are tiny changes in a person’s expression that occur within a second or a fraction of a second. You can see microfacial expressions if you watch for them even though they occur so quickly. This is because the person often repeats them.
These are common facial expressions or microfacial expressions that occur when someone is hiding the truth:
Some people’s faces become a light shade of pink
Saying “No,” and looking in different direction
Nostrils may flare
Biting lips
Rapid blinking, which is a reaction; or the opposite, which is an intentional response, they stare at you to intimidate and control the conversation
Perspiration
3. Observe their body language
One of the most humorous indicators is when someone says “No” to an incriminating question, but their head is nodding “Yes.” Body language is one of the easier areas to watch because some of the behaviors are so extreme.
A change to heavy breathing may indicate they are out of breath from stress.
Touching or covering their mouth, or covering sensitive areas such as their gut, chest, throat, or head.
Fidgeting, or the opposite - freezing their motion or standing still. Both these behaviors are different than natural body movement when in conversation.
If the person is standing, they start shuffling their feet. This may be their subconscious mind directing them to flee.
Sudden head movements, particularly just before a response.
Suddenly pursing or biting their lips.
May have difficulty speaking because their mouth gets dry due to stress, which decreases the salivary flow in the mouth.
Pointing at someone or something to direct attention away from them.
Are you interested in the different types of lies? Dawson McAllister believes there are Eight Types of Lies that People Tell.
There’s another discussion on the intent behind lying. For instance, are certain lies acceptable because the intent is sincere?
Additionally, some extremists believe there is no truth. If there is no truth, then there cannot be lying because everyone gets to define their own truth. Hiring people like this may pose an issue…
We encourage you to develop a habit of looking for clusters of irregular behavior so you can lessen the times that someone takes advantage of you by lying. Developing habits in the three areas above should be helpful.
If you want training, Paul Ekman has great micro-expressions training packages. We also read the book LieSpotting years ago and they provide additional content online.
Just remember: If you want to be your best, start with yourself. Often the most damaging lies are in our own head.
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