Lies... All Lies
My daughter Jenny picked me up at the airport last week. She mentioned that it was irritating how some people preface their judgment with a lie. So we made a short list and thought of how we might gain from the insensitivity or cluelessness of others.
"Now, I say this without judgment..."
Then they communicate their judgement on where they believe you are wrong.
"To be honest..."
You were lying to me or withholding information before?
"You did a good job, but..."
The person's big "BUT" cancels the compliment. Yes, I meant to put two "t's" in the word "but" because the person's judgment is that offensive. And I also meant to put two "t's" in the word "but" in a newsletter last week. Many counselors recommend using "and" instead of "but," however the second half of the statement is still a negative that cancels the positive.
"We never... or... We always..."
No you don't. That would be un-human perfection.
"From this point forward we are going to..."
...Break another commitment to never change. (Pilot new ideas instead.)
"It was incredible, the absolute best I have ever..."
It was okay or good, not "incredible...". Get the hip waders, the level of verbal dung may rise and get pretty thick...
REALITY: Somebody or multiple somebodies will lie to us every day, yet most people are clueless that they are not telling the truth. It is just the way they communicate.
MY POINT: Increase your awareness of the lies, but do not let them bother you. Prudence allows you to avoid bad decisions based on lies. Nor should you confront these people. That just results in unnecessary drama. Instead ask questions to confirm your conclusions and/or get them to explain more. Their weakness is often your opportunity.
See the Meeting Ideas below for additional ideas.
Common lies can be a very fun meeting agenda in any industry. Here are some ideas on how to challenge your people to consider how to leverage lies to better at what they do and enjoy their work more:
- Us: Ask people to share the most common intentional or unintentional lies they are told on the job. Make a list of no more than ten. Prioritize the list from most serious to least serious.
- Responses: Reactions are instinctive, without thought or much thinking. A response is communication and/or action from someone who is in control. Next to each lie define one best practice response for your team to practice over the next four weeks. Post the list on a wall in plain view. Ask for joint accountability - everyone holds everyone else accountable. Discuss progress in your weekly meeting. At the end of four weeks assess the results over a company-sponsored lunch.
- Us Again: Now, list up to ten lies your team tells people. Prioritize the list from most serious to least serious.
- Responses: Next to each of your team's lies, define one best practice response for your team to practice over the next four weeks. Post the list on a wall in plain view. Ask for joint accountability - everyone holds everyone else accountable. Discuss progress in your weekly meeting. At the end of four weeks assess the results during the same company-sponsored lunch.
- Personal: Encourage your team to apply this same principle in their personal lives and pilot new behavior for one month.
Just think what would happen if everyone completed these five steps and applied them for one month...
Let me know how it goes.