Manage 2 Win

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IN YOUR FACE

David Russell

This is a follow-up to last week's email about stopping DRAMA in your workplace.  Here is a recent client example:

A team of people are working together.  Each has different skills, experience, and value they bring to the team.  They work well together, but the relationships are new and so there are still things to work out for maximum productivity.

One member of the group does something that bothers more than one other person in the group to the point that they complain about it to another member in the group.

Did you catch the problem?

They complained about the person's behavior to someone else, not the person who bothered them.

This is totally unnecessary DRAMA.  Unproductive...  I could say more, but it might offend people.

Here is my suggestion: 

1.  Golden.   Although our work seems like "adult daycare" at times, please remember The Golden Rule:  Treat others the way you want to be treated.  If someone has a problem with you, do you want them the gossip about it to someone else, or tell you directly "to your face."  (It might be by phone, in-person... but directly.)

2.  Talk.   When you have a problem with someone, schedule time to talk with them rather than send a flaming email.  Email can be misunderstood and offensive.  Just pick up the phone, or use an email/text to schedule time to talk.

3.  Question.   Rather than start with a statement, try to start with a question.  For instance, "Did I hear you right that you ______?" or "Did I give you the impression that I _____?"  You may be wrong, so it is best to be respectful and start with a question rather than a judgment.  It may just be a simple misunderstanding.  Leave the drama (emotions, gossip...) out of it.  Do not let your negativity fester.  Just kindly, respectfully start a discussion to resolve it.

4. "I/me".   After you get past confirming some facts with questions, try to explain your feelings in "I" or "me" statements rather than "you" accusations.  For instance, "When you did _____, it made me feel like ____." 

5. Zip It.   Once you have resolved the situation, do not discuss it with others in a negative way.  That is gossiping again.  Zip your lips shut about the matter.

I encourage you to develop this communication style, or something like it, as a new habit to replace gossip.  It saves you time, stress, and helps you become a more effective leader.

Be an Intentional, Systematic, Servant Leader.


MEETING IDEAS

Gossip may be an issue for you to work on before discussing it with your team.  Everyone is tempted to gossip or listen to gossip.  As leaders we have to set the best possible example.

To be candid, twice today I have may have crossed the line and said a bit more about two business relationships with past clients than I should have.  I did not slam them, but I did participate in separate conversations where my responses were borderline.

If you want to have an open discussion with your team about speaking directly with people who have done something to upset you, then here is one approach:
   
1.  Prepare three real-life examples in advance.  I suggest the examples should not include anyone in your group or team.

2.  Ask your people for estimates of how much time was wasted by the people involved directly or indirectly in the situation.

3.  Discuss how gossip hurts people personally and professionally, and can even destroy client relationships.
   
4.  Now go back to each example and discuss different responses (more than one) to each situation that follow a step-by-step approach like the one above.

5.  You can also ask your people for examples of gossip and talk through those.  Then define how you are going to hold each other accountable to developing this new skill. 

REMEMBER:  Part of developing this habit involves asking others to speak directly with people who have bothered them (rather than you) and/or walking away when someone else is gossiping.

If they say they talked with the person and it made no difference, encourage them to bring 1-2 others with them who have experienced a similar problem with that person and talk with the person again.  (Yes, this may be time to encourage their boss to help resolve the issue.) 

Possibly the additional people will help them reconsider their conclusions.  Or it may work out that you have misjudged the situation and need to change your conclusions or response.  Approach the situation humbly and respectfully so you can benefit from either conclusion.